THE MAN AS THE HEAD

It is clear that God made the man as the head of the wife, although not as a sign of superiority but of role and responsibility. I laugh sometimes when i see men bragging with the fact that they are the head of the family, not knowing that, that confers grave responsibility on them of which many men have not lived up to. By the time men begin to know that their wives are their responsibilities, life will get better. The wife is a revelation of the husband. It is as simple as show me your wife and i will tell you who you are. The head of a human being as far as I know performs several functions including thinking (through the brain), seeing (through the eyes), hearing/listening (through the ears), perceiving (through the nose) and talking (through the mouth). As a man, your responsibility includes these. The brain is found in the head, and one of its major function is thinking. And thinking leads to fruitfulness and productivity. As the head, re you living up to this standard? Solomon Jesse said “A good man will leave an inheritance for his children’s children”. This is the fruit of thinking. Why do men shout at your wives when they did not cook and get angry at their children when they ask them for school fees. Remember, if you cannot take care of your family you are worse than an infidel. If you cannot take care of your family why did you marry in the first place and as if that wasn’t enough gave birth to six children- bringing them to this world to suffer. Just a note of remembrance; the first thing God told Adam to do was not to marry but to be productive, He said to him “Take care of the garden”. If you are not thinking and in turn unfruitful and unproductive, you are not fit to be the head of a woman. Seeing obviously, is also a function of the head because the eyes are found there in. In the prophesy of Joel, it is contained that young men will see visions and daughters will prophesy which is an interpretation of the vision men have seen. But how disheartening it is that I see a lot of wives who see clearer than their husbands. What a shame! It cannot be overemphasized how important vision is. As the head, it is imperative that we see ahead, for that is what made us the head in the first place- Ability to cast a vision while our wives follow. Women are suppose to be our help mates, but what will they be helping with when there is no vision to run with. The vision of a wife is subject to that of her husband, so why limit the potentials of a woman because of a lack of vision. And it is also a pity how many spinsters look at what a man has materially ahead of where he is going before considering him for marriage. If a man has money without vision, it is only a matter of time before the money vanishes. But if he has a valid vision (because some are not valid), he can always reproduce money. So men what do you see? The ear is another organ found in the head which is of great importance. This organ is primarily used for hearing and furthermore listening. The responsibility of a man as the head using his ear are in two dimensions- Listening to God and listening to his wife. How many men/husbands can boldly say they hear from God? How many men can confidently say in front of their wives that they emphatically listen to them? Hearing from God sets the pace for you success in life and home. It is a proof of spiritual maturity. Paul of tarsus said “As many that are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God”. If you don’t hear from God how do you expect your children to hear you? And then listening to your wife is very important. You have to know that one of the primary needs of a woman is to be listened to. I have seen men who literally have no regard for the needs of their wives, yet expect their wives to be sensitive to theirs. It doesn't work that way. Emphatic listening is key. Like Stephen Covey said, there are five levels of listening- Ignoring, Pretending, Selective, Attentive and emphatic listening. Non of the four is a replacement for emphatic listening. Sometimes, a woman does not need an advising tongue but a listening ear. But it is a pity how many husbands are either speaking or preparing to speak. God gave us two ears and one mouth like somebody said, to listen more and talk less. On a lighter mood, why are your ears up and your mouth down on your face? Doesn't that suggest to you that in the hierarchy of being the head, the ears are up lines to your mouth? This is more than a joke. Talking is silver, listening is gold. Perceiving in this context means sensitivity. Oh! How insensitive are so many men- They don’t want to care about how their wives feel, all they are concerned about is what they want. Remember, you are first a human being (that should have others at heart) before a husband (as the head). But ironically, being the head /husband confers a higher responsibility of sensitivity. Raising your hands on your wife, of course is gross insensitivity. Forcing her to have sex with you out of her convenience is also insensitivity. Learning to say sorry, please, thank you, I love you and so on is sensitivity! As a man, you are not immune to simple ethics and courtesy. Some men are the lion of the tribe of their homes, their children flee when they hear the horn of their cars and run to their hiding places, even their wives see them as small gods that are unapproachable. And lastly, you have mouth that James metaphorically described as the helm of a ship that directs the movement of the whole ship. You hear God, see what He is saying (vision) and communicate it with your mouth. I recommend that every man should learn communication skills as they will always have an audience- Your family! I wonder how many men will cope if women were still told to ask their husbands at home whatever they did not understand in church. Because it is a pity that many wives are more learned than their husbands. In my own opinion, every husband should know a bit more than the wife- you may not know more than the wife of another man but please know more than your wife. And this does not mean you should stop her from learning but that you should keep learning. As far as I am concerned, you shape your wife with your mouth, because women are naturally shaped by words. But how outrageous is it that some husbands don’t positively affirm their wives with words. How funny is it that some husbands can’t remember when last they told their wives “I love you”. Women are influenced by words more than any other thing, so men we must use our tongues right. It is better to keep quiet than to say the wrong thing. So do we see that being the head of the family is not a phrase to feed your ego? It is a call to responsibility. The reason God gave us this responsibility is because He knows that we have the potential to deliver. Therefore, we must not fail God, we will not fail our wives, we will not fail our children and we will not fail our generation!

THE POWER OF A SMILE

Philosophy: “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken”- Solomon Jesse The power of a smile cannot be over emphasized, it sure carries tremendous power. A smile is the best attire you can ever put on. How awful will you look after putting on a three piece suit and meeting all the ethics of dressing without putting on a smile? A smile is a language which even a child understands- everyone understands a smile, both the literate and the non literate, the poor and the rich, big and small. A smile costs nothing but it creates much, Solomon Jesse said “A merry heart does good like medicine”. Smiling makes you look younger and healthier. Scientists have said that it takes 74 muscles to frown but only 14 to smile, why not maximize the 14. Any face that lacks a smile will look younger than it should. A smile may happen in a flash but the memory of it lasts a life time. A smile an open a door for you, it can make a friend for you and it and relief the depressed. So what does it take to smile? Nothing! Just start smiling. Some people will say “I may n lot be smiling but in my heart I’m always cheerful”. But like our philosophy says “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance”. In other words, “The state of your heart determines the state of your face”. You cannot tell me you are cheerful inside while you are frowning outside. Outside will always reflect the inside. After all it is only God that sees the heart, what we all see is the face. So don’t blame us when we run away from you, because we are not God we are human beings. God looks not as man looks- God looks at the heart, man looks at the face! There is power in smiling. So keep smiling.

THE AFRICAN PARADIGM

If you were asked “What is the problem of Africa?” what will be your sincere answer? Africa as far as I am concerned by potential is suppose to be the greatest continent on planet earth yet it is the poorest. What a paradox! The greatest mineral resources are in African ranging from crude oil to gold, silver, limestone, zinc, and so on. Yet the first four poorest countries in the world are African countries. Using Nigeria as a case study, she is the sixth largest oil producing country in the world but at the same time the 26th poorest country in the world. At the same time, a country like Singapore has no natural resource, I mean not even one but she is rated as a developed or first world country. The present world power as she is called- The United States of America, does not have half of the natural resources most poor African nations have. So what makes the difference if not what a country has? Well, the silver lining between a country like Singapore and a country like Nigeria, a country like America and a country like Somalia is what we want to talk about. African’s problem cannot be encapsulated ideally in one word that is not “IGNORANCE”. You can’t give me any other reason why a continent that is blessed with such natural resources not be able to convert it to its material equivalent. What else will make leaders of a country (Nigeria) during the pre-colonial times sell its people to slavery in exchange for things like powder and mirror if not “gross ignorance”. God was not wrong when he said “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge”. Not for lack of prayers and fasting, if it were, Africa would have been the greatest continent because I don’t think that there are so much churches as we have in Africa. I tell you the truth and lie not if lack of prayers were the problem of Nigeria, our problem would have been long solved. If prayers repaired roads, I’m not sure there will be any untarred road in Nigeria. Nigeria and Africa are places of high religiosity which I guess has compounded our problems. But no! Prayers cannot take the place of knowledge! I grew up hearing a cliche or proverb that says “If you want to hide anything from a black man, put it in a book” and I think this statement still holds true today. But anyway, I decided to break out from the bondage of ignorance. I don’t know if you have? Its not by saying it. Your actions will show it. For instance, there is no culture of reading in Africa. An average African youth reads out of necessity not out of culture- He or she reads only when in school. That’s the kind of continent we live in. I never saw my father read more than three books, I’m not trying to down grade him in any way, I respect him a lot and there are so many other good virtues he passed on to me but definitely, the reading culture wasn’t a part of it. And parents, forcing your children to read is not the best option, modelling reading is. And children, even if our parents never passed that culture to us, we have to take personal responsibility to improve ourselves for that is the only way to break the status quo. I see a wind of change coming, but like Mahatma Gandhi rightly said “We must be the change we seek to see”. We are the leaders of tomorrow so we must take responsibility today. Being learned goes beyond knowing how to speak good English, education goes beyond being a graduate of a university. Nelson Mandela said “Education is the greatest weapon we can use to change the world”. That of course can’t be more true, we need to raise a generation of intellectuals who will become problem solvers, that will take us to the next level. Singapore a first world nation today was once a third world nation. And like I said initially, they had no natural resource. They were so underdeveloped that they asked to be absorbed by Malaysia, but because of how poor they were, Malaysia saw them as a liability so rejected the proposal- Singapore was pushed to the wall. So they decided that since they had no natural resource, they were going to develop their human resources- themselves. And that they did, and in no time turned out one of the richest countries in the world. I advocate for a paradigm shift of the mentality of Africans, especially the youths. Lets do it differently! And before I forget, if you want to hide anything from me, don’t put it in a (good) book.

CHARACTER VS REPUTATION

The circumstances amid which you live determine your reputation… The truth you believe determines your character… Reputation is what you are supposed to be; Character is what you are… Reputation is the photograph; Character is the face… Reputation comes over one from without; Character grows from within… Reputation is determined by how you behave; Character is determined by what you believe… Character is determined by what you say; Reputation is determined by how you say it… Reputation is what you have when you come to a new community; Character is what you have when you go away… Your reputation is made in a moment; Your character is built in a life time… Your reputation is learned in an hour; Your character does not come to light for a year… Reputation is learnt; Character is expressed… Reputation grows like a mushroom; Character lasts like eternity… Reputation comes alive like a switch; Character emanates like a pressing iron… Reputation makes you rich or poor; Character makes you happy or miserable… Character is like a tree; Reputation is it’s shadows… Reputation is a forest; Character is a seed… But remember: Reputation is what men say about you on your tomb stone; Character is what the angels say about you before the throne of God… Take care of you Character and your reputation will take care of itself…