JUST BEFORE YOU ENTER INTO A (LOVE) RELATIONSHIP

I believe that before an individual ventures into something, whether business or relationship, (s)he needs enough knowledge concerning such venture. But it is a pity that people prepare for almost everything except (love) relationships- an individual just wakes up one morning and decides to enter into a love relationship without requisite knowledge. Dear friend, knowledge is what gives you an edge over others.

A lot of people in love relationships are looking for escape routes while some others are eager to enter. Whatever category you are; if you are in a relationship, this article will help strengthen you and also help you make necessary adjustments, if you are not, this article is just for you, read with rapt attention because it will definitely save you a lot of heartaches people are having in relationships. I seriously wish that everybody knows this before getting married; divorce rate will reduce by 50% if not more.

So just before you enter into a love relationship…

1. DISCOVER GOD:

 Every living thing or being has a source and cannot function effectively outside the source. The fish cannot survive outside water (its source), the plant cannot survive outside the soil (its source), and human beings cannot survive outside God (our source). Humanity cannot actually do without divinity.

Relationship should first be vertical (with God) before horizontal (with people). Anyone that does not have a cordial relationship with God may not have a successful love relationship- because it is God that teaches you how to truly love.

So, just before you enter into a love relationship discover God and make sure anybody

You will go out with has also done the same.

2. DISCOVER PURPOSE:

Purpose is the reason for your existence. I think it was Martin Luther King (jnr) that said that “If you don’t have a reason to die, you are not fit to live”. And I also think that if you have not discovered your purpose, you are not fit to enter into a love relationship.

A blind man cannot lead a blind man, they will both fall into a pit/ditch said Jesus of Nazareth. If you don’t know where you are going, why jeopardise another’s’ destiny by taking him/her along with you?

Isn’t it amazing to know that the first thing God gave Adam wasn’t a woman but a sense of purpose? “And the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to dress it (Genesis 2: 15)”. But how come a lot of people go into love relationships without having an idea of their God given purpose- that is a journey to destruction (sorry to say but it is the truth).

So just before you enter into a love relationship discover your purpose.

3. DISCOVER YOUR WORTH/VALUE:

The value of a product to a large extent s determined by the price it was purchased for. But when the true worth of something is not discovered, abuse is inevitable. But a lot of people have an “escapist mentality”, they want to hide their lack sense of worth by rushing into a relationship. And when you have not discovered your worth /value before entering into a love relationship it will show. One of the consequences is that you will begin to attach your esteem to the person you are going out with. Another consequence is that the other person can treat you anyhow and you will still have no choice than to remain in the relationship.

For instance it is only a lady that has not discovered her worth/value that will be slapped and beaten up in a relationship and still remain, in fact some have gone to the extent of rationalizing the character deficit of their partner. It is only a lady that has not her worth /value that will see it as a privilege for a guy to sleep with her or compromise her value because he has threatened to quit the relationship if she doesn’t. You are more than this dear!

Just before you enter into a love relationship discover your worth/value.

4. DEVELOP YOURSELF:

If you do not develop yourself before entering into a love relationship, you will not have anything to give when you do. And thereby you will become a parasite and I bet you, no one wants to relate with a parasite for long.

You are like a building, the better you become, the better the kind of people you attract. Just like an uncompleted building will attract rogues, a completed, well painted and furnished one will attract millionaires. Don’t enter into a love relationship prematurely.

Who you want to attract will determine how well you want your building to be before you put it up for sale. Don’t put it up for sale too quickly. Develop yourself thoroughly. Avoid becoming a thing to be used, rather endeavour to become a being to be respected.

So just before you enter into a love relationship…Discover God, Discover purpose, Discover your worth/value and Discover yourself.

SPEAK WITH POWER REGISTRATION FORM

THE GOD FACTOR

Philosophy: “God is all I need to have all my needs met” It is a pity that God has been taken out of the scene in the drama of life by so many. He has been forgotten by many on the road to success, no wonder we have many failures. Success principles are good, but success principles without God are equal to failure. There can be no true success without God! Quote me. Anybody you see that seems successful without God will not last. They will fizzle out one day! One problem can destroy the riches of somebody in twenty four hours, so all these free minded people should be careful, there is GOD and you need Him to have all your needs met. You need Him not just to have success but to have good success- success without sorrow and pain. In ancient history one man named Herod insinuated that he was God and immediately worms ate him up. God is no respecter of persons. For so many people the missing link between failure and success is God. They think that they can achieve success by their own power and wisdom but they have forgotten that the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God; they have forgotten that by strength shall no man prevail- the race is not to the swift, neither the battle to the strong nor yet favour to men of skill nor riches to men of understanding...Haven’t you seen wretched talented people? I have. Haven’t you also seen hardworking but useless people to the community? I have seen more than a dozen of them. It is time to wake up and recognize the power behind the universe and creation of the world. Embrace God and His unmerited favour.

LEADERSHIP PITFALLS

Leadership as defined by John C. Maxwell is all about influence nothing more and nothing less. But overtime we have seen not just few persons who lost this influence or got it corrupted. It is obvious that the higher you go, the more chances of falling and of course the greater the impact of the fall. This fall most times doesn’t just affect you; it affects everyone in your circle of influence. The earlier leaders start realizing that the destinies of thousands lie on their shoulders, the fewer pitfalls we will have. Every pitfall reinforces the weakness of your followers Every pitfall saps leadership energy from you Every pitfall makes you more ineffective Every pitfall has a ripple effect and can motivate other pitfalls. Below are some of the pitfalls: 1. POWER-PRIDE: Pride comes before a fall. And pride comes majorly from power or position. And that is why positional leadership is the lowest level of leadership. Like John C. Maxwell would say “Position only gives you an opportunity to lead…it doesn't make you a leader”. Humility and servant hood is the hall mark of leadership. Moses was the meekest man on earth and also the most powerful leader at that time. The devil was power drunk and continues to be the worst leader of all time. Leadership is servant hood turned inside out. Power, pride, pride of life, position freak or whatever you choose to call it is a trap! Don’t become a victim. 2. LACK OF INTEGRITY: Integrity is the alignment of your thoughts, words and actions. It is doing what you say you will do and not doing what you say you will not do- in other words, meaning what you say and saying what you mean. I tell you the truth and lie not, (write this in capital letters if you can) VERY FEW THINGS DESTROY A LEADER LIKE LACK OF INTEGRITY. In fact people can forgive you as a leader for almost anything if you are a truthful and sincere person. There are two major areas you need to have integrity on- TIME and MONEY. It is good to have money, but is better not to let money have you. Is it not surprising to know that the only thing God compared himself with in the bible was money not even the devil. Leaders…the love of money is the root of all evil. Don’t handle money yourself, don’t become your own Judas, employ an accountant or get a volunteer to handle your money. 3. SEX (outside the marriage environment): This is the one I love to talk about the most and maybe that was why I kept it for last. I usually like to say that your sex life is not news now because you are not yet news but when you become news (which you will soon become), your sex life also becomes a news. Look at a man like David Jesse who was a man after God’s heart and one of the best kings Israel ever produced but ended his life in distress because of perverted sex with a woman called Bathsheba. What about his son Solomon Jesse who was the wisest man that lived at that time but turned his wisdom into vanity because of the sex sin. Time will not fail me to talk about Samson Manoah who allowed his sexual needs to convert his strength and bravery to weakness. Like somebody rightly said “You cannot sleep on the lap of Delilah and expect to wake up in heaven”. Oh! This are ancient stories…you may say. But wait let me give you contemporary ones. Do you know the man Bill Clinton? Who was supposed to be the best president America ever had but lost that on the lap of a woman called Monica Lewinsky. Do you know Eliot Pizza who was disqualified for contesting for the position of the president of America which he was a favorite because of this same issue? You should know Strauss Khan who lost his ambition of being the president of France and was also impeached from being the IMF president on the lap of a MAID. Time will fail me to talk about Mike Tyson, Ibabuchia, Ethyl Messin, Tiger Woods and many more who came from Hero to zero, grace to grass, uppermost to guttermost, palace to dunghill because of this monster (as some may call it) SEX. I pray for you today from the bottom of my heart: You will not fail your generation. You will not fail your family. You will not fail yourself. You will not fail your followers. You will not fail God!

EASY OR POSSIBLE?

Sometime back I used to agitate when I heard things like “e no easy o” “Life no easy” and the rest. I thought that to say that life or some things are not easy is anti-covenant and negative confession. But after series of thoughts and researches, I got a different perspective. For instance, I came to realize that there is nowhere in the Holy Scriptures where it is written that life or certain things are going to be easy. In fact we are told the exact opposite in scriptures- we are told things like, “In this world you will have tribulations…”, “Call upon me in the days of trouble (because he knew that there will be one)”, “Fear not (because he knew that there will be reasons to fear)” and many others. I now totally have a different view about the word easy. I wish two things were not in the dictionary- Easy and impossible. But we have a consolation. For the fact that it is not easy does not mean it is not possible. It means that more doggedness and sophistication is needed in whatever you are doing and want accomplished. Despite the fact that the scriptures did not tell us that it is going to be easy, it did tell us that it is possible. Here is the complete version of our above examples- “In this world you will have tribulations but be of good cheer I have overcome the world”, “Call upon me in the day of trouble and I will deliver you”, “Fear not for I am with, be not dismayed for I am your God, I will help you, ye I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness” So my major concern is not whether it is easy or not but whether it is possible. And if it is possible, I want to go for it. And the good news is…It is possible! The idea about telling us that things may not be easy is because people can be complacent to life. They expect everything they want to fall on their laps without personal effort (and please when I say personal effort I’m not trying to circumvent the grace of God or faith, I’m just complementing it). Show me your faith without your works and I will show you my faith by my works. For instance, resisting sexual pressures before and outside marriage is not easy or is it? But it is possible! The discipline involved is not cheap talk but hard work. It may pain but it will pay at the long run. So does the principle apply in every other facet of life. Making first class is not easy…but it is possible. Maintaining career success is not easy…but it is possible. Cultivating a healthy marriage and family is not easy…but it is possible. To have good health is not easy…but it is possible. To marry as a virgin is not easy…but it is possible. To marry without heart break is not easy…but it is possible. Note: For the fact that you are not experiencing it does not make it impossible. Impossibility is only in the realm of the mind. With God all things are possible. All things are possible to him that believes. There is a big disparity between easy and possible. It may not be easy but it is possible (and that’s what matters).

SEX AND YOUR DESTINY

Philosophy: “The reason your sex life is not a news now is because you are not yet a news, when you become a news, your sex life will also become a news” Over the years, I have come to realize that there is a strong correlation between your character and your destiny. Rev Sam Adeyemi said “You cannot succeed without character”. Any success without character is no true success and will not last. And as we all know, the sex urge is the strongest urge in human nature. It has built men and it has destroyed men. It has sent many to hell and it has brought many into this world. It was sex that resulted to people like Bill Gates, Barrack Obama and the rest and it was also sex that resulted to one of the deadliest diseases we have- HIV/AIDS. Sex management needs to be taught because if you cannot manage your sex life, you still have a long way to go. Bill Clinton would have been the best president America ever had but he wasn’t because he slept with a lady called Monica Lewinsky. That was also one of the reasons Hilary Clinton did not win the 2007 democrat primaries, because people said that they could not vote for a woman whose husband does not have control over his emotion. Mike Tyson’s blow used to weigh 50kg until he raped a lady and was sent to prison and by the time he came out was no longer as fit as he used to be, that was when he resorted to using his teeth instead of his fists-he lost a career. Tiger Woods almost lost his career because of a non-mastery of his sex life, he was the richest sports man before the scandal but fell to about the fourth on the list but thank God he is back. Nevertheless, he lost a wife (they got separated) and has exposed his children to a dysfunctional home. I’m sure you know about the man called Strauss Kahn who was the IMFchairman and a presidential aspirant who was likely to have won the election but stooped so low by sleeping with a maid and as it were wrecked his political career. But also you may not know the guy called Ethyl Messin, a great footballer who was speculated to be a better player than Ronaldinho but didn’t have a chance to unleash his potentials before he was sent to prison for sexual harassment , and by the time he came out was over aged to keep up with his career. I’m not sure you will also be familiar with the name Ibabuchia, a great boxer who was sent to jail because he raped a lady. We can keep going on and on to mention many more people who have had their destiny destroyed because of this three letter word-SEX. I’m also very sure that you know at least two people that would have had better lives if not for premarital or extramarital sex. If there is no other reason to stay sexually pure, do it because of your destiny; because your destiny is greater than your present, your destiny is bigger than you. Quote: “He that does not have control over his/her sex life is like broken walls-(s)he should not expect to be protected against failure”

ARE YOU A LEARNER?

As I sit at the balcony of my house with my pen and book thinking on how to start writing this article, I just had a flashback to about six, seven years ago when I used to go and buy books from a particular Christian/motivational book shop. The bookshop is not the issue here but the salesgirl in the book shop. After about one or two years of patronage, as my custom was I went to buy myself a book one of those days when I discovered that she was pregnant. Note that she wasn’t married; she became pregnant out of wedlock. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wondered why she could become pregnant out of wedlock when she works in a bookshop that contains books that could teach her how to combat her habit. I pondered how she could be in the river and wash her eyes with spittle. I asked, is it that she didn’t read the books or she refused paying attention to the wisdom in the books? She became an epitome of the person Solomon Jesse talked about in proverbs chapter one- “How long, you simple ones, will you love simplicity? And the scorners delight in their scorning and fools hate knowledge…? But you have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear comes. Wisdom cries without, she utters her voice in the streets: She cries in the chief places of concourse, in the goings of the gates: in the city she utters her words….” Apparently, she wasn’t a learner. It’s so disheartening that when people say you are a learner today, they mean that you are a novice. Well…I would rather be a novice learning than not learn at all and be considered wise. Wisdom is in learning. Foolishness is in pride. Boundary Ajegunle is a place where the cheapest books are being sold yet Ajegunle which is ironically the base of wealth remains poor and its people keep wallowing in servitude and mediocrity. Young people, learn! Learn! Unlearn! And relearn! Keep learning! Learn from books, learn from tapes, learn from seminars and conferences, learn from the bible, learn from people, learn from your pastor, and learn from your experiences but most importantly from other people’s experience. Never let a day pass without learning something new, because every day gone can never be regained. Keep abreast of facts, be current, and be versed. Have the breadth and depth of knowledge. The breadth of knowledge is to know something on everything while the depth of knowledge is to know everything on something. Knowledge is a liberating force. My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. If you are not a learner, destruction awaits you ahead. Are you a learner? If I’m asked that question my answer will be “Yes I am, for life!” So are you?

DATE TO MARRY

Why do you want to date? If you are dating already, why are you dating? Are you stunned by that question? Does it seem like I am being confrontational? Please I apologize if I am. But do you know that more than 70% of people will have to think for some time before answering that question? And a good chunk of the remaining percentage will become defensive or just ignore the question. But if you don’t ‘why’ you are doing something, I don’t think you should be doing it. Hmmm…how true is that? Considering the fact that a lot of young people are dating now not because of any logical reason but rather how they feel. Have you realized that one of the prevalent characteristics of a mad person or lightly put ‘mentally challenged’ person is that (s)he does things without reasons (knowing why)? Please don’t get me wrong, I have not said you are in sane if you are dating and don’t know why and I don’t intend saying it but I’m just trying to broaden your horizon and expand your awareness on this pertinent issue. I remember how this question asked above caused an uproar in my room in the university. The three persons I asked were perplexed and dumbfounded and two could not give me any logical reason at the end of the day, while one said he was dating because he needed to be satisfying his sexual desire. Obviously, non of them wanted to marry the ladies they were going out with. It got me thinking, of course if you know me you will know that I think a lot. But the truth is that if you are dating a person because of sex, I don’t think you are suppose to be dating, what you actually need a prostitute or better put a sex partner. If you are dating because you are lonely, what you need is a company not a date. Dating should be a time for preparation before marriage. Dating should be a time for interview (not intercourse)- getting to know the person you have intention to get married to, all things remaining equal. Dating is suppose to lead to marriage. Date to marry! A lot of people have reduced dating to having fun and whiling away time but I don’t think that was and is the idea behind dating. Every journey you embark on should have a destination. You can’t embark on a journey without knowing where you are going. In the same vein you shouldn't embark into the journey of a love relationship without the end in mind (marriage). Have a big picture (marriage), then start from now (dating). Date to marry.

MAINTAINING SUCCESS

Philosophy: “Charisma without character will lead to catastrophe” You know, it is easy to blame those that have succeeded and still exhibit some character flaws as being undisciplined. But I have come to realize that it is more difficult to maintain success than to achieve it. What builds a house is not what maintains it, so also what takes you to the top is not what keeps you there. Skills and charisma will take you to the top said a wise man but character will keep you there- Potentials, talents and skills may only make you successful but it takes character to maintain that success. It is true that we can’t totally live without flaws, but your ability to minimize your weakness by maximizing your strength is what matters. There are some people’s names I will mention and you may not be able to point out any visible weakness that they possess not because they don’t have but because it has been minimized. Like somebody said that “Success is the ability to minimize your error”. There are three areas everybody must be able to master very well to remain successful: 1. SEX: Your sex life is not a news yet because you are not yet a news, when you become a news, your sex life will also become a news. Imagine if president Obama sleeps with a lady today, CNN,SKY NEWS, NTA, AIT, Network, New York Times, Punch and son will all carry the news but me and you do it today, nobody may know except we and the person that did it. The sex drive is the strongest drive we have in human nature, so your ability to manage it matters a lot. Bill Clinton was supposed to be the best president America ever produced but he wasn't. Why? Because he slept with Mornica Lewinsky. Ethyl Messin was supposed to be one of the greatest footballers Nigeria ever produced but today rots in prison because of a sex scandal. Samuel B. Kent, a federal district judge in Texas was impeached because of a sex scandal also. Can you see how sex brought these great men down? If there is no other reason why you should abstain from sex outside the marriage environment, do it because you want to be great. 2. POWER: Abraham Lincoln the 16th president of America said “Adversity is not the true test of character but power is (paraphrased)”. To still paraphrase that statement, you don’t test a man’s character when he is facing adversity, you only test his/her character is by giving him/ power. Power will either make or break you. Power can puff up power can pay off. Machiavellian said “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely”. If you still force people to do things for instance, you are not a true leader, you are probably an authoritarian. You should use power positively, as a means to be a blessing to others. 3. MONEY: Money makes, money mars. Is it not amazing that the only thing God compared with Himself in the bible is money? Not even the devil. Money answers all things but the Love of money is the fruit of all evil. Money is the reason why prostitutes are in the brothel, money is the reason why armed robbers are on the high way, money is the reason why tricksters do exist. Money! Money! Money! But you don’t get money by pursuing it, you get it by positioning yourself. Get money wisely, use money wisely, and invest money wisely! In a nutshell, you cannot remain successful without character